Today I’m gonna talk about a very personal thing. After being married for over 16 years and three amazing children, together my wife and I have decided that our recent 6 lb surprise, “Mr Caleb Michael ” will be the last addition to our family. We have decided the best way for us to go at this point, is with a vasectomy. I know what your thinking fellas…. you’re not getting near my boys. Trust me, that has been my philosophy for 16 years. With that being said my middle daughter is 8 and my son is 12 so that means it’s been at least 9 years since I’ve contemplated diapers and bottles!
Now I do consider myself pretty disciplined, but this kid eats every three hours on the dot. Goes through at least 25 diapers a day. And he has acid reflux so he pukes pretty much nonstop. Don’t even get me started on the mountains of laundry and drawing up meds 4 times a day. Oh and he can turn into baby hell boy in an instant. Don’t get me wrong, I love this kid with all my heart and we are so blessed to have been surprised with him, but I’ve reached my limit with the 3 hour increments of sleep. We’re going on 4 months now and he is still super consistent on all of the above. CALGON take me away.
My Vasectomy Story
So after 9 plus years of fighting my wife on the vasectomy thing, I’ve decided to pulled the trigger so to speak. Let me give you a run down on how the vasectomy will go down. First the doctor well give schedule you for a pre-op visit and explain how the procedure works. This visit took all of 20 min, at which time he will prescribe you a 10 mg Valium, I guess to ease your nerves. You’re supposed to take it a couple of hours before the scheduled operation. My appointment was a month out. It would’ve been nice to have a thirty day supply of Valium, but I managed anyway.
Fast forward to the actual vasectomy appointment. Here’s how it went down. You walk into the room and told to have a seat. Now the Valium is pretty much in my system, I guess. I didn’t feel any relief on my nerves. Then this guy comes in about my age tatted up and turns on the music to set the mood. He tells me to drop my drawers and hop in the stirrups. Ya I said stirrups. I followed his directions and let me tell ya that’s pretty awkward Valium or not. Respect to all you ladies out there with stirrup experience. So keep in mind during this whole time Tool is playing in the background as I’m spread eagle hanging free with the Valium not working.
So me being a salesman, I start shooting the breeze with this guy. Silence is golden but not when you’re spread eagle! Then I hear the gloves pop as the tech puts them on, weird. He starts to prep me and man that was AWKWARD. Iodine all over and then he has to move my junk around to complete the prep. I don’t care how many milligrams of Valium you have, I will never be ok with that part. I ask the guy how many of these he does a day and his answer is “usually about 10” . That’s a lot of nut cutting if you ask me, but at least their practiced. He tells me he had it done and it isn’t that bad, but don’t push it after surgery because he did and was bed ridden for a month. Good advice which I took.
Now the doctor enters the room and Ozzy Osborn is playing on the radio in the background. He asks me if I’m ready and I say “I’m all suited up coach,would be a shame not to play”. He laughed and proceeded. First thing is a big needle with the local anesthetic. It did sting a little bit, but no big deal. Then you’ll feel some tugging and that’s pretty much all. The procedure is done one side at a time. As my doctor is finishing up the right side he says to me, “this will be our song from now on”. Tinker train from Ozzy . He then starts with the left side and Linkin Park comes on and all I can hear is I’m so numb. Kind of appropriate for the situation. So I say to the doctor “well I guess it’s Ozzy on the right and Linkin on the left which made the doctor laugh as he was finishing everything up. And thats it. That’s all it was, so it really wasn’t so bad.
After The Cut
As I was being driven home all I really wanted to do was put some frozen peas on the boys and sleep. I had four bags of frozen peas that I rotated from the freezer and tried to relax as best I could. One major benefit of having surgery is getting to sleep all night. When you have a new baby that gets up every three hours that is worth more than gold. I am now 6 days post-op and ready to get back to normal if you know what I mean! I haven’t been able to do the two things that I enjoy most. Working out and sex. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Today I was given the green light to resume life. Cleared by my doctor to get back to normal and I can tell you I’m past being ready. So let’s just say my schedule is pretty booked for the next couple of days. Now I can’t go into detail on all of it, but I do plan on posting my post-op week off workout ASAP. So check back for the training update .